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Friday, January 21, 2005

BU West Coast Winter Meeting Recap

It all started out innocently enough. The west coast swing of Baseball Unlimited held their annual winter meeting in Downtown San Francisco (you should probably re-read that with the requisit lisp). The Shaggers picked out a fabulous restaurant that was an asian/french fusion type place. You know, geeky waiters with tight, black framed rims, a hot 20 something clientele dressed mainly in black with dour looks from too many hours working for Massey/Mason/and Smith wondering what in the hell they thought was so glamorous about the job and the high brow MBA degree. You know the type, cell phones pressed to their ears as they click past. The four team owners were ushered to a not so trendy table in a corner near the bathroom. All of them married, didn't mind, as it gave them a great view of the women going in and out. Being older and "out of the scene" as it were, affords you a few advantages. One of which is being completely invisible to this younger, prettier and hipper section of society. The men exposed this weakness or failure to ogle/leer throughout the evening. But I digress.
The Islanders, Shaggers and Bambinos all ordered the steak and Humongous went for the chicken. Sides included egg plant, green beans and potatoes. They started with hamachi, spring rolls and a spicy sushi roll. The food was excellent and it was all washed down with a bottle of red. Australian, I believe.
The tempo of the convesation started out slow as they felt their way through some hot topics. Islander vehemently opposed to the "franchise tag" ruling was spirited if not accommodating in hearing the inverse arguments offered by the Shagger and Humongous. Bambino, was not swayed and nor were the Islanders, but in the end all were friends. The topic then turned to the National League player to the American League and the retention of the stats even though he was now in the "carnival league." The coversation picked up some momentum as the Bambinos weighed in again with what could be termed as a lucid argument. Humongous wasn't buying, however, and even went as far as to say he'd like to see the BU league suspend all stats when there are interleague games. Never an invitee to any Mensa meetings, Humongous stated he had a hard time following his players when they migrated to box scores in different parts of the paper. How the hell would he be able to find an isolated player if he moved from the National League to the American? Bambino knew he was either beat or exhausted trying to follow Huge through the vapidness. It was then that Huge stood up and proclaimed, "the Hartmans look nothing alike!" Some people at another table asked to be re-seated. When the dust settled, a solid session of Crossfire broke out with the Islanders on the right and the Bambinos on the left. Having a vague grasp of politics and it getting a bit late, Humongous and the Shaggers remained quiet as the two heavyweights sparred over the current state of the middle east, Europe, trade deficits, the strength of the dollar, unilateralism and whether the Bush girls indeed, as reported by Humongous, shave their nether regions. No trade talks ensued and it was widely concluded that the Wobblies have a pretty darn good team going into the draft. They said their fare the wells to Humongous as they dropped him off at the transit station and the Islanders, Shaggers and Bambinos drove off into the night content.

Reporting from San Francisco, I'm Irving R. Levine signing off.

Irving, you forgot the part where the Islanders, fresh from negotiating a killer cell phone plan, unsuccesfully hectored the waiter into substituting a more expensive bottle of Zin for the Turley we ordered and couldn't get. "We just sold the last bottle last night" said the waiter, obviously lying. No blows were exchanged.
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